With Prof. Dr. Fritz von Stossenbaum Alkaseltzer
It’s been a while but I write to you once more! So pay attention while I try to you the splendid honors you can achieve while serving in the Obsidian Fleet, the awards and promotions! Because if you don’t write for anything else, why not write for promotions and nice little ribbons and pins to make that Official uniform look a bit more important?
We’ll start with the awards as that is a rather easy subject to cover, since it’s widely done by the Admiralty already. This section will not contain the description of the awards because you can find this on the Obsidian Fleet homepage.
First off there are Three "levels" of awards. Level one awards can be given freely by the Commanding Officer of a ship, outpost or starbase. Level two awards can be requested by a CO but most of these awards need a Sample post of the thing you did that makes you so deserving of the award. Level three awards are only given out once in a year by a commission, your CO will be able to put you up for review but the competition is dang strong.
So Level one awards, the most basic ones. Seriously if you walk the right way you can get an award, which is good so we can acknowledge your right walking and show the rest of the crew they should walk like that. I’ve taken the names from the Obsidian Awards Page.
Level 1 Awards:
Fly like there's no tomorrow, make a looping with a Sovereign class starship, land a Galaxy class on the planet's surface, leave spacedock at warp 5, all those nifty tricks you can do with some kind of vessel can make you earn this award.
Captain's Personal Merit
Suck up to the captain, volunteer for away missions, get his tea, do his paperwork. Well you get the general idea, become the teacher’s pet, without upsetting his wife too much.
Civilian’s Contribution Ribbon
This award is only available for those who are not bright enough or just to lazy to go through Starfleet Academy. The civilians that take your seats in the messhall, that walk into the holodeck just before you can claim it, the civilians who go with the hottest chicks on the boat. I don’t know what they contribute… but apparently it’s something.
Crew's Choice Award
Something like the Captain’s Personal Merit, only now you will have to suck up to the entire crew. It’s harder, I’ll give you that… but you only need a majority. Most sims put up a poll every month to see who is the favorite player in the sim.
DeForest Kelly Humour Award
“By God Jim, I’m a Doctor Not an Award!”
Make peace, not war. Shake the hand of your fellow crewmates, drink a glass of Synthehol (or some of the real stuff that is illegal but still everybody seems to have on a secret package under their beds) together. Make sure the CO sees your friendship otherwise it’s rather useless.
Good Conduct Medal
Just behave like a man (or woman… or “other”), do your job, report on duty on time, take some work home. And most importantly, do this all so that the CO can see you’re doing it, there’s no use of acting nice on the surface of the planet while the CO is sipping his Earl Grey tea in his ready room.
Heart of the Tiger
Blood sweat and tears go into the greatest battleposts. Make us feel along with your character, his motives, his fears, his determination. Make us believe that it is a struggle, that the outcome isn't written in stone. Make us believe that it is a hard fought battle. Make us cheer when the bad guys go down. Thrill us, and this coveted award can be yours.
If you're good enough...
Library Excellence Ribbon
Seriously, you need to write like Shakespeare or Tolkien if you want this award, no spelling errors, no grammar flaws. Clear, understandable English. Unlike Shakespeare’s work though there’s one catch… it needs the story to flow smoothly and easily (which could be a problem in Shakespearian)
So you can neuter a housefly at 500 yards ? Blindfolded ? This medal shows your friends your shooting prowess without the need to brag to them and drag them down to the firing range and trying to get that fly to sit still.
Most Improved Player of the Month
The trick to this award, start of slow. Then, after a month of bare minimum posting and two paragraph posts which contain no char development, Give it one hundred-and-fifty percent… if you’re still on the ship that is… if you don’t succeed after the first two months… do the Yoyo manoeuvre, get worse, get better, get worse, get better… just as long as it takes… or until you’re given a tour of the outsides of the ship.
Newcomer of the Month Award
On the opposite side of the Most Improved player of the Month… just make sure you do better as all the others that have joined the ship that same month. Give it your best in the first month of simming. After that you can take a rest and have a shot at that most Improved player of the Month award the month after.
Non-Player Character Award
Yes, having the red-shirt survive an attack on the vessel reaps its rewards, develop the character good enough and use it often enough and maybe your CO will spot him or her… and reward you for your hard work… after he/she did you could always kill him off in an attack afterwards.
Obsidian Fleet Distinguished Service Cross
You think you can really keep it up for three months? Well if you’re wearing this award you were right. The first in a series of “Time Served in OF” Awards.
Obsidian Fleet Service Citation
And another three months fly by… time flies when you’re having fun. This is to prove you’ve been on the vessel for six whole months…
Obsidian Fleet Merit of Time Served
And they double the score once more, twelve entire months inside the hull of that dull vessel. But once more, your endurance has paid off, yet another Award!
Obsidian Fleet Gold Service Merit
If you’re really sick and can’t say goodbye to the vessel you serve on… this is the award for you! Two whole years of posting, you’ve seen it all, you know every redshirt that perished. Pin that thing on your blouse… you deserve it.
Outstanding Volunteer Award
Much like the captain’s personal merit, help out, lend a hand. You can design websites? Design a website! You can make banners? Make a banner! You have a good idea for a future mission? Spill it! These are the things that will get you the Outstanding Volunteer Award… so do some stuff voluntary… NOW!
Plot Development Citation
So the Cardassian Revolution was orchestrated by a partnership between the Borg and Species 8472 ? Come up with entertaining, unpredictable plot twists, then this award is for you. The only catch is that these twists still have to look credible...
Make everybody like you Without sucking up to them! It is possible you know, be professional and caring, make your character the buddy of everybody on the vessel. If you’re character doesn’t act like an ass in general you might get this award!
Getting shot was never so rewarding, a beautiful purple ribbon that matches your elegant dress uniform. Although you would have to make it appear to your friends that it was in an honourable and harsh battle… otherwise they will make fun of you.
Tell your friends! Tell your family! Brothers, Sisters, neighbours, aunts, former roommates! Bring in fresh blood for the slaughter. If we like the fresh blood, you get this little feather to show off with.
Characters have feelings. Characters with feelings can fall in love, right ? Make the relationship intruiging, multi-faceted and endearing. Make us believe that the feelings shared are true and real. Make us wait with baited breath for the next chapter in this relationship, and the award is yours. Just remember: a perfect, flawless relationship... does not exist… and if it did… it wouldn’t be much fun.
That you’re an Engineer doesn’t mean you should only recalculate warp fields, get out of the dark pit that is engineering and help out the doctor with welding a patient back together! And Who says a surgical laser can’t be a lethal weapon? pick it up and kill the Borg invaders. But beware… for the ever lurking SHS monster!
So you're playing the greatest, most realistic, most intruiging, most flawed yet still capable character in the entire sim. And you've been playing him or her for ages. Your character has become a real personality. His or her emotions mirror your own. You pour your heart and soul into the life and duties of your character. Perhaps .. you are worthy of this, one of the most coveted awards of all. Welldone, soldier. I'm impressed…
Technobabble! Yes people the annoying ongoing discussions of whether or not a Plasma torpedo is more fuel efficient then a Photon Torpedo is rewarding! If you hold true to the Star Trek Technology and use your superior knowledge of this in your posts then this Award may very well be send your way! (by mail order off course… you might hurt the CO’s Brain with your ongoing yanking)
So you finally managed to pass that exam, did you ? Good for you ! So you learned that new system ? Welldone ! Here's a wee badge to pin on. (completing LISP won’t get you this… since LISP will never be done…)
Do as is expected, make sure you have everything right. Make your CO proud! Work together with another crewmember on the ship to create a plot line that is worthy of the Ship’s reputation (On the Pegasus that mostly means: make it funny… realistic… but funny…)
Unsung Hero Medal
Is your CO sucking up all the glory? Did you find the solution to a problem but your Department head still takes the credit? Then this might ease your pain… a little… but beware… as soon as a Klingon Opera singer starts singing ballads about you there will be no medal for you!
On We Go! Level two awards, as said a bit harder to obtain since it’s not straight from your CO… it has to go through the Admirality for review… and will thus take two weeks before being awarded to the person who deserves it so very much. The hardest part is to impress admirals who don't know you personally, and who frankly have better things to do. However, if you're good enough, news will spread, and a level 2 award can be yours.
Level 2 Awards
The person we love to hate, it’s a dirty job but somebody’s got to do it! Like the redshirts really, we all don’t want to be them but they are still indispensable. Who else would we have to fight if not the saboteur or the Romulan Colonel Sock and his power hungry Major Bokma.
Oh my god ! The quantum torpedo launchers are destroyed, and all you have left is a paperclip, two marbles, a piece of elastic band and some duct tape ! Well, hop to it, my friend. Get them back online, and make us believe that your method will actually work. Be creative ! Solve things in an unusual way and still make them seem credible.
Departmental Service Badge: Command
When you enter the room, conversations stop, people stare and are intimidated. Command Presence Personified. Your very demeanor demands respect from all who serve with and under you. Your voice rings out of authority, your mind nimble, quick, just and honorable. Your crew loves you and trusts you for who you are. People trust that everything will be alright when you are flying the ship, and when you answer hails and perform scans, they know that only the best and most authoritive person on the ship is at work here. You've earned the Command department service badge, Sir.
Departmental Service Badge: Marine
Kick ass, chew bubble gum, strain muscles, take on a horde rabid Tribbles with your bare hands! You’re a Marine! You can do it! Do it good and long enough and even you will be able to receive this extra ribbon on your Dress uniform.
Departmental Service Badge: Science
Patch up the wounded, cure a decease, Fight a Virus! or is your CO a nutcase? Alcoholic? 20th century rock artist? Talk to him… (very long in that last case). Is fascinating your favourite word? Do you create new ways of playing God? Does this sound all to familiar? Then maybe… just maybe you can pin this here thing on your chest.
Departmental Service Badge: Service
Pack your wrench, Arm yourself with phasers, load the torpedo shafts, make sure there is enough power (Cap’n). Do you Arm Phasers... Fix Phasers... Give power to the phasers...? Then this is the badge for you to pin on your Gold collar, smart move… giving the red to the Command staff.
Departmental Service Badge: Support
Those who shall not be named, shot into space in tiny space fighters with minimum torpedoes and shield calling your mates “Teddy” and “Red Squirrel”. Or you can gather information from all those good friends you have high up in the different governments. Or can you talk the Ferengi out of half of their fleet for two bars of gold pressed latinum and leave them thinking they have the better deal? This badge is for you Fighters, Diplomats and Intelligence Officers… since no one else wants to do it…
Exemplary Courage Medal
Leave no man behind, no matter what the odds or the enemy. Do you go above and beyond the normal call of duty? And would you like to brag about it? Well this medal does all the bragging for you really! For those who don’t shit their pants at the sight of a cheated Ferengi.
Even better then the Air Medal! You can do corkscrews now huh? Flying by the admirals ship so you can wave into his ready room? Man you’ve definitely improved if you earn this medal.
Geneva Peace Ribbon
Shoot first and ask questions later? Or talk some sense into them? The first will get you court-martialled… the latter will get you this medal… So try to solve a conflict without pulling out that phaser and you’re already getting a heavy chest from all those medals.
To relieve suffering of anyone in the Federation… or outside of them… so anywhere really… just relieve suffering. And I know you think the Ferengi are a pityfull race that should be relieved from their suffering but shooting Quark in the head won’t get you this medal… although you’ve relieved some suffering from Odo…
Intelligence Prowess Award
Nope this isn’t to gloat about your big brain or all that useless info you’ve accidentally remembered from Starfleet Acad. This award is for people from the Intelligence Department… the James Bonds of the Ninth Fleet, there to protect and serve, for Queen and country… and the Admirality off course… and now you know… for this Award.
Joint Service Commendation Medal
We all know other COs, we all like them… well most of them… What if we would fight the forces of evil together? Protect the Federation together? Now that would be cool… and the entire crew can be awarded with this Medal… if they actually worked together and not just along side of each other…
Kublai Khan Award
Smack him in the face, kick him in the groin, do things you never thought of doing before… and record them so that you can teach your moves to others. As long as you call it a “tactical Manoeuvre” it’s ok! Just remember… firing Phaser banks and Photon torpedoes in rhythmic symphony will get you the Tactical Superiority award.
Medal of Honour
No Backstabbing… honest fights… never kill women or children… and leave no man behind… one would think you were stupid! (especially the Rommies) Who wouldn’t bury a Bat’Leth in the back of a Klingon?! Well not a lot of people but those who tap him on the shoulder instead will get this medal… in this case… post-mortem most likely…
Montgomery Scott Engineering Award
Do you play bagpipes? Do you drink Scotch Whiskey? Is your idea of a good shoreleave sitting down with technical manuals and relaxing in a Jeffries Tube? Do you multiply your repair estimates by a factor of four? If you answered “YES!” to any of these questions, then grab a wrench and win this award. (Formerly Engineering Ingenuity Award)
Patterson Ribbon of Excellence
Cure the common cold! Help the CO with that zit before the Andorians arrive! Oh No, the XO bumped her toe, fix it! You could either do that or so something special… like curing somebody with only herbs and slugs. Either way, stand out as a Doctor enough and you will be rewarded.
POW Ribbon of Sacrifice
Even getting captured has its rewards! If you’re captured by an enemy force for any length of time you might get this award… and no, sadly being forced to sit through a weekend of your mother in law staying at your house is NOT considered being held against your will by a hostile enemy force. Though sitting through the lecture your wife gives you afterwards might qualify.
Ribbon of Committment
Man there are a lot of awards for those who suck up to the captain. If you help with Anything in the Out of Character part of the sim. If there is really No Doubt Whatsoever that you have in all honesty and truly have put forth an undisputable amount of extra effort.
Ribbon of Compassion
So you’re a counsellor and always want the best for your patients? Well you truly have to forget about all the rules and regulations, put your life and career on the line to help your patient. Then you have probably earned a dishonourable discharge… or this ribbon.
Ribbon of Merit
Normally I don’t quote but according to OF: “This ribbon is used to symbolize the great sacrifice that the men and women of StarFleet endure.” Honestly… that doesn’t say much and will probably be given at random if the Captain has no idea what else to give you.
Tactical Superiority Award
Fire the Phaserbanks and Photon in rhythmic synchronisation and with deadly precision. Not to confuse this with the Kublai Kahn award, since that’s for good old fashioned brawl.
Tour of Duty : Breen
Pack the cold weather suits and an extra pair of thermal underwear it's gonna be a COLD day in space when you get this award.
Tour of Duty : Cardassian
Galors, Keldons, Cardassians, Oh My! You'll be dealing with a lot of people who aren't too fond of the Federation if you spend too much time here. Nobody trusts a Cardie… and they have all the reason not to.
Tour of Duty : Deep Space
Anywhere but here, Outside of Federation explored space, but not in someone else's back yard. Just don't get lost in the Delta Quadrant, that’s so cliché.
Tour of Duty : Ferengi
If you don't remember each and every rule of acquisition, you'll be lucky to get out of there with your uniform. Those Ferengi could sell real estate on a Demon class planet to a Breen.
Tour of Duty : Klingon
You’ve been to Klingon space, faced rabid Klingons and had a Bat’leth fight. All your food was still alive and the Klingons pet targ has snuffed your crotch. Well if you don’t deserve this ribbon than I don’t know who does.
Tour of Duty : Romulan
Cloak, disruptors, the Tal Shiar, political games and charades. You’ve got to love the Romulans! If you are able to survive everything they throw at you perhaps you could pick up a bottle of Romulan Ale, sure it’s illegal but that doesn’t stop most of us… does it?
United Federation of Planets Pip
You will have to go through great lengths to attain this pip, only given to those who have saved the UFP single-handedly, let me tell you… that doesn’t happen to often.
Zefram Cochrane Medal of Exploration
Get drunk, try to run away from the future but end up in a ICBM breaking warp speed. Or do something similar, although surpassing this would be rather hard, but if you find something noteworthy be sure to report it, you might get this medal.
The Level Three awards are only given once every year, and the nominees go through lengthy examination and other interesting stuff by an Award counsel. Sucking up to the CO won't help, this is up way higher in the anarchy, you will have to 'pleasure' an Admiral for these kind of awards.
And Now, finally! Promotions, how can you get that new rank pip? How can you let your neck shine even more? For tips tricks and hints… read on! Promotions aren’t gained by solving all the problems that cross your path, promotions are earned by Role-play and not by SHS actions. If your stories are detailed, interesting and intriguing. There is actually no 100% win formula, not all CO’s use the same standards for promoting… but like all the awards that have been listed: sucking up to the CO never hurts your career.
Once more if you really have to ask questions or have suggestions or comments, once more I’m telling you, start bugging the darn CO already.
Until next time,
Prof. Dr. Fritz von Stossenbaum Alkaseltzer
"If everything Reaps it's Desserts… I'll take the apple pie"
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